What must be, shall be
by VampsRockMyWorld
Summary: -During new moon- Edward left Bella; she's heartbroken. Then she meets Jacob. They have fun, till Bella gets sick, incurable sick. Edward comes back when he hears that. He confess everthing and offers to change her. But Bella thinks it's too late...
1. when you're gone

**Oke this is the first Chapter of my story. I hope you like it.  
Sorry for all the grammer mistakes, but I'm dutch so my English is not that perfect.  
I do not own twilight..**

**Story song: 'When you're gone- Avril Lavigne'**

* * *

_On behalve of my love,  
I no longer sleep.  
Life had no longer meaning.  
Nothing to make me stay.  
I sold my soul away..._

He was gone, just gone. Forever! Never coming back.

I sunk to the floor in my room.

No, no, no. It couldn't be true. It couldn't be!

A tear fell down on my cheek. Forever gone. 'No... no, NO!' I screamed. 'Please, please, come back. Come back!'

It was 9 days after Edward left. 9 Days after he left me. I was broken, the pain I felt right now was nothing compared with James' attack last summer. No, that was a lie. I felt nothing. Not one emotion, just emptyness.

My moping was driving Charlie crazy. He treatened more than once to send me back to Renee. But everytime I refused, for some reason I didn't want to leave forks.

Stupid...yes I know.

I was breathing uneven as I was lying here on the wooden floor. I felt miserble, I just wanted to die. Every point of reason in this damned world was gone! No reason to stay.  
Tears were streaming down my cheek, dripping on the floor.

_I've never felt this way before.  
Everything that I do  
reminds me of you._

_Oh come on! Still whiping about him?_ My brain said.

'Shut up!' I whispered.

_Are you a big girl or not. Now stand up and stop blubbering!_'Go away...'

_NO! Listen to me! He's just a boy. Go on with your life. HE'S GONE!  
__  
_I sat up and curled myself up, crying to nobody: 'No stop! Please..stop'

_Listen to yourself, you disgust me!_'No, no. Gone...gone'

Then I went silent, only my sobs were for hearing.

Then I heard Charlies car. Quickly I stand up, wiping away my tears. Then I heard onother voice... my mum's voice. She came here to get me to Jacksonville!

No...no... I couldn't leave, I wouldn't leave!

The front door opened any my mum and dad walked in. They walked up the stair to my room. I flew to my bed, grabbing a book, pretending I was reading while they entered my room. 'Hey mum!' I said happy. 'Honey, it's good to see you!' Renee answered, hugging me.

'I missed you.' I said, which was true. I'd been missing my mum very much.

'I missed you too. I would love having you back for a while.' She hinted, but I already knew where this conversation would lead to, me returning to my mum. Which was NOT gonna happen.

'No, mum. I wanna stay here'

'But honey, I really think it's better if you come with me... You're a mess'

'Mum, we talked about this before, I'm not coming home.'

'Bella please, I don't want a fight about this...' She said. 'I want you to come with to Jacksonville'

'No, mum! I won't go. I stay here'

She sighed. 'You look tired, go sleep.' I nodded bitterly.

They left my room.

I deceided to do what Renee told me to; I was tired. I put out my lights and closed my eyes. It didn't take very long till I drifted to sleep.

_"You already know how I feel, of course," I finally said. "I'm here... which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." I frowned. "I'm an idiot"  
"You are an idiot," he agreed with a laugh. Our eyes met, and I laughed, too. We laughed together at the idiocy and sheer imposibility of such a moment.  
"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb..." he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.  
"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.  
"What a sick, masochistic lion." He stared into the shadowy forest for a long moment._

Silent whispers woke me up, first I didn't reconized them. I thought I was still sleeping, but then I heard Charlie whisper: 'You think she will be very angry'

'Yes, very. But I can handle that Charlie. Bella has been angry at me before. And after all, she can't stay here'

'I can only agree with you about that'

'You were right, she's a mess. And that all about his leaving?' They were talking about Edward!

'Yes, it had a very strong impact on her.'

I opened my eyes. I saw my parents. My dad stood by my closet and my mum bowed over something, but I couldn't see what. But what the hell was my dad doing? He was emtying my closet! Giving my clothes to my mum, who was putting them into a bag. I sat up. 'What are you doing?' I asked sleepy.

They were startled by my voice; Charlie dropped the shirt had in his hands and Renee placed her hand over her heart.

Slowly I sat up in my bed. 'Why are you packing my bag?' I asked, my mind was too sleepy to think clear.

'Honey, my mum said. I want you to come to Jacksonville, no I am taking you to Jacksonville.' What? They just ignored my will?

'No mum, I'm not going!' I said harsh. 'Yes you will!' I jumped up. 'No mum! You can't make me go! I want to stay!' I said each word carefully. 'Oh yes I can make you go. Bella he's gone, get over him. Start a new life. Come with me.' she pleaded. She pulled me to the ground, let me sitting in front of her. She placed her hands on my cheeks. 'Bella, I'm worried about you, and so is Charlie. We don't want to see you unhappy'

'Then let me stay mum.' 'Bella, we're not having this conversation! You're coming with.' She tried to sound firm, which succeeded well. 'NO! I WON'T!' I screamed.

'Don't talk like that to your mother, young lady.' Charlie said.

'No dad! No! I won't go, I won't... I won't.' I screamed. I zipped open the back and threw my clothes through the room, while I screamed: 'No, no, NO' I stood up and so did my mum. 'Bella honey...' she tried.

'NO! Go away, go away!'I felt tears in my eyes. Then I fell down on my bed and burst into tears. I felt like I couldn't stop anymore. I just wanted them to leave me alone! I heard my parent leaving the room, fortunetly!

I kept crying and crying. And in the end I cried myself to sleep.

That night I heard someone sneak into my room. It was my mum. I was still drowzy, but I could hear her words clearly.

'Bella, I'm sorry...' she whispered. 'Please, be carefull! I love you, I only want the best for you!' I mumbled a soft yes. 'I'm going home, I'll call you soon.' She stroke my cheek and placed a kiss on my forehead.

'Is she a sleep?' I heard Charlie ask. 'Something like that.' 'Sorry Renee.' Charlie apologized. 'It's oke'

They left my room again and left a painfull silence. I felt awkward, guilty...

The next morning I woke up early, though Charlie was already awake. I pulled on some clean clothes and went downstairs.

My dad was sitting on the kitchen table. 'Morning,' he said, obviously he was angry about yesterday. 'Dad, I'm sorry. I just don't wanna leave Forks'

'Your behavior was unacceptable.' He said firm. 'I know.' I whispered. 'You're lucky your mother is very forgiving, she's not angry.' I sighed. 'You can stay here, but I want to make one agreement.' 'Yes..?' I asked, slightly curious. 'I want you to.. go do something with friends oké?' he said, nearly pleading. 'I want you to move on'

'Got it.' I smiled at my dad, thankfull for his forgiveness.

I stood up, walking upstairs.

'You could try Jacob!' My dad called after me. I froze on the stairs. Jacob..Jacob! I sprinted down stairs again. 'Dad, can you tell me the way to La Push?' I asked. He smiled in answer. 'I'm happy you're so enthusiastic to see him.' 'Yeah...' Charlie explained me the way to Jacob and I ran out the door. I climbed into my truck and started it. In less than 20 minutes I was at Jacobs house. I walked to the front door, knocking on the door. Billy opened up, his eyes widened when he saw me. 'Hey Bells, how are you?' Billy asked.

'I'm great. You?'

'Yeah, never better.'

'Is Jacob home.' I asked.

Billy nodded and answered: 'He's in the garage.' 'Still working on his car?' Billy smiled. He told me which way to the garage, I waved and walked away.

When I arrived at the garage, I could hear Jacob tinker on his car. I laughed silently when I heard him groan.

'How's the car?' I asked. 'Who's there-' he asked. BANG... sounded through the garage, followed by an 'OUCH!' from Jacob. He came upright, while he was rubbing his head, then he saw me. I laughed at his expression. 'Bella!' he said cheerfully. But I kept laughing as he walked closer. 'Aww.. don't laugh. It's your fault you know.' I stopped laughing and tried to look offended. 'My fault?' I asked. 'Ehh.. no, I was just joking.' he corrected himself, shocked by my voice. I smiled. 'Kidding...just wanted to see you reaction. So how are you.' 'I am great! The car's nearly finished.' I looked at the car. 'Looks good!' I complimented.

'Thanks.' 'So why are you here'

'Well, since it's holiday. I wanted to spend some time with an old friend. Unless he's to bizzy.' I said.

'No, I'm not too bizzy.'

'Great!'

'What do you want to do?' He asked.

I smiled. 'I think I know something.'

* * *

**ooooooooooo**

**So what do you think?**

**Again... I'm dutch. But if there are bad grammer mistakes. Please let me now, so I can fix them.**

**The next chapter is more drama... and maybe EDWARD!! woohh *screaming***


	2. sober

**So.. next chapter.  
I hope you like it.  
More drama, more pain, maybe more Edward. I don't know. And Bella already knows that Jacob is a werewolf.  
I'am dutch.  
And I do not own Twilight**

**Chapter song: Sober- Pink.**

* * *

The next weeks I spent time with Jacob. We had much of fun!

We took walks among the beach, while he told me stories. I also met a few friends of him. Embry, Quil and a few others.

I was on my way, I promised to visit today. Jacob, as always, greeted me enthusiastic.

'Bella!!!' he yelled, and he ran up to me. I crouched, pretending to be scared and I screamed: 'Help, werewolf attack.'

We laughed. 'It's great to see you, Bells.' 'I could say the same about you too!' I said.

'So what's on the planning today?' I asked as we walked back to Jakes house.

'Well, I actually are nearly finished with my car, would you mind if I finished it?' he asked, his eyes apologetically.

I laughed. 'Of course not. I love to see you working!' 'Yeah, I could have guess that, it's always fun watching somebody sweat- wait, you haven't seen me working at all.. how do you know-' Then it sunk in.

'You spied on me?' he said, sounding not angry at all. I smiled quilty. 'As I said, I love watching you work.' I teased and I ran away. He run after me, and of course he was much faster than me. He caught me a few foot in front of the garage.

'You thought you could outrun the big, bad wolf?' he asked. 'No sir, please don't eat me, please. I'm not delicious at all.' I pleaded.

He released me, taking my hand and he pulled me into the garage. I sad down on a chair and watched him work.

_When it's good, then it's good,  
it's so good till it goes bad.  
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had.  
I have heard myself cry, never again._

_I'm safe.  
Up high.  
Nothing can touch me.  
But why do I feel this party's over?  
No pain.  
Inside.  
You're like perfection.  
But How do I feel this good sober?_

I really, really didn't want to lose Jacob. I needed him, though it was unfair. He gave me everything and I could return so little.

He deserved more, and I wish I could give him that, but I knew I couldn't. The wounds were still to fresh.

I had a bad feeling, but I didn't knew about what. Something bad is gonna happen soon.

I didn't care about me being involved, as long as it didn't hurt Jacob. If necessary I would take all the suffer.

All this worrying gave me a headache.

In half an hour he was finished and he looked up. 'Finished!'

'Wow.. great. You're car is really the most beautiful one I've ever seen!' I securred him. 'I'm happy you like it, I worked hard for it.' he said.

'What, for me liking it?' I teased him. He looked at me surprise. 'Huh.. no I..' 'Kidding.' I joked.

'Oh Bella...' 'You know you love me.'

'You better be glad about that.'

My headache became worse, I felt a bit dizzy and I closed my eyes, moaning.'Are you all right, Bella?' Jake asked anxious.

'Yeah, only a headache. Is gone in a minute.'

'Are you sure.'

'Yeah...' But I wasn't I was feeling horrible. I sat down for a minute, but it only got worser.

Then I heard two voices: Embry and Quil.

'JACOB!' Embry called. 'IN HERE.' Jake yelled back. It pained my ears.

They walked in. 'Oh hey Bella.' Quil greeted me and I put up one hand, greeting back.

'What's with her.' Embry asked.

'Headache, I think.' Jacob answered.

Headache... It sounded wrong in my ears. No, this was no headache. My whole body, felt numb. I groaned. Pain spread through my body.

'Bella, what's wrong?' Jacob asked, kneeling in front of me.

'I..I feel..I don't feel my leg.' I realised.

Embry kneeled beside Jacob. 'Bella, how many fingers am I raising?' he asked. I tried to look, but my sight wasn't sharp anymore. 'Dunno.' I mumbled. I felt so tired.

'Not good.' Embry muttered.

'Bella, honey, can you try to stand up?' Jacob asked. 'Maybe.' I answered.

'Quil, Embry help me.' Jacob commanded. Embry and Quil grabbed one arm, while Jake stood in front of me, watching me. THey helped me up slowly. My head was spinning. 'Bella, we let you go, oke?' Embry said. No..no! Don't let go! I wanted to said, but I couldn't find my voice. I felt their grip loosen. I stand straight up for one minute, but then everything went black and I collapsed right into Embry's arms.

When I woke up I lay on the ground. My eyes fluttered open. I heard Quil calling with somebody. My dad?

Jacob hold my hand and when I he saw my eyes were opened, he squeezed it. 'Oh Bella. You really freaked me out. You know that.' he said.

'Bella, how do you feel?' Embry asked. I waited one second before answering, so the answer would be true. 'Yes...' I whispered.

'Can you sit up straight?' Jacob asked. I nodded. They helped me up and at the same time Quil said: 'Bella, your dad is coming to get you. He want to go the hospital, to check on you.' I nodded again.

Fortunetly my headache was gone. Unfortunetly I didn't knew what was just happening to me.

After a few minutes I heard my father arrive. 'Bella!' he said anxious. 'Oh god, what happened? Luckily I was in the area.'

'We're not sure what happened, Charlie. But she fainted, after acting really weird.' Quil answered.

Charlie looked at me. 'I'm bringing you to the hospital.' I nodded.

'I can carry her for you.' Jacob offered and he picked me up, holding me close to his chest. 'Bells, are you oke.' I smiled in answer.

Charlie held open the car door and Jacob put me on the backseat. 'May I come with you?' he asked Charlie, who nodded. He got in the car, too.

Whe got to the hospital quickly and we didn't have to wait long.

I had to explain the doctor exactly what happened and what I felt, he questioned Jacob as well.

'Well, miss Swan. How are you feeling?' the doctor asked. 'I'm fine.' I answered. what happend this morning, looks like the normal kind of fainting, with a few exeptions. You can go home, but come back if this happens again or if you have trouble with your eyesight.' I nodded.

'Thanks doctor.' I said and I shook his hand. 'You're welkom.'

We left the hospital, I said goodbye to Jacob, who was picked up by Embry and Quil and Charlie and I went home.

I went to bed early and sleep caught me fast.

The next day Charlie didn't want me to leave the house, he wanted me to take it easy. Instead of me going to Jacob, Jacob would visit me.

He didn't stay very long, only a few hours. He had a meeting with the tribe. I deceided to sleep when Jake had left again.

I stayed home one more day, but I couldn't stand it alone at home any longer so I went to La Push again.

Jacob was happy to see me out bed.

'How would you like to meet the rest of the tribe?' Jake asked suddenly. Was he kidding?

'Won't they mind that?' 'Of course not, silly! They'll love you.'

He drove, in his new car, to Sam's house. That was their meeting place.

Everybody was so nice to me, well exept for Paul, but Jacob had already warned me that Paul was always a bit grumpy.

Emily loved to have another female in the house and I liked her very much.

Jacob took me over there nearly everyday. And if he was 'going out' with the pack, I was there for Emily's benefit. I became good friends with her.

But a few days later, it all went wrong. I hadn't slept very well that night and I was so tired. But it was Emily's birhday and she invited me to come. I was so glad they'd accepted me, so I would go, no matter how tired I was.

sam's house had changed in a party place. It was a little house, just enough room for all of us.

'Bella!' she greeted me cheerfully. 'Happy birthday, Emily.' I said and I hugged her, giving her her present.

'Oh Bella, thank you.' when she opened it she squeled. 'Oh wauw, it's so beautiful, thanks so much!' she thanked me, hugging me again.

It was a great party!

'You like it?' Jacob asked me after a while. 'Yeah, I really enjoy it. Thanks for inviting me.'

'You're welkom. Emily is so happy you're here....' Jacob said, but then it went silent. There was no sound anymore, not at the whole party, though everybody's lips talked on. I looked around, but no one else noticed it got so quiet. I looked back at Jacob, whose lips were still moving. I stared at him blankly and he stopped talking. I saw his lips saying my name. I blinked and then, suddenly, the sound turned on again, but then thousand times louder.

I covered my ears.

'Bella?' Jacob asked. 'Are you oke, do you have a headache again?' He sounded anxious. And, again this week, everything turned black.

_I'm Looking for myself, Sober  
_  
'She passed out again!' I heard a voice say. Probably Jacobs.

'Oh my, she looks so pale!'

And then all the muscules in my body shrivelled up. My whole body shocked.

'She's shaking!' 'Held her still! I call an ambulance.' Somebody commanded, Sam I think.

'Bella, Bella! Calm down!' Jacob pleaded, his hands traced my face, stroking my hair out my face. 'Please, Bella.'

'What's hapening to her?'

'I don't know.'

'You think she has the same thing as in your garage?'

'Maybe, only this is different.'

I kept struggeling; the pain in my body was unbearable, thousant times worser than in Jake's garage. After a few minutes I heard the sirens. Then, after a few more seconds somebody came into the room, kneeling beside me. He grabbed my arm and gave me an injection. After giving me the morphine they lifted me on a stretcher, the pain flooded away and my body stopped shruggeling.

When I was in the ambulance, it didn't take long before I felt the drowsiness. My body went limp and after a few minutes the night closed over me.

_Aahh, the night is calling  
And it whispers to me softly come and play  
Aahh, I am falling  
And If I let myself go  
I'm the only one to blame_

* * *

**So this was chapter two.  
Now difficult times lie ahead. Next chapter is from EPOV!!! I think it's a little shorter than this one, but I'm not sure.  
Please review and let me know if there are grammer mistakes.**


	3. shadow of the day

**Hey everybody,  
Here's a new chapter, from EPOV!!**

_Story song: Shadow of the day- linkin park._

**I am dutch, sorry for the grammer mistakes.  
I do not own twilight.  
Have fun,**

* * *

EPOV

_I close both locks below the window.  
I close both blinds and turn away.  
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple.  
Sometimes goodbye's the only way._

Go back, stay here, go back, stay here!

My mind was twisting every second of the day.

I wished that I could go back, I wished it so badly. There was no reason for living anymore, not without her. My whole existance was pointless. But on the other side, I couldn't go back, it was better like this, beter for her. I wasn't good for her, for Bella... I wish I was.

Everything I'd do, every stap I'd take, I would always see her face in my mind. In the short time we had together, she became part of me.

But she wouldn't miss me... maybe she'd already forgotten me.

That hurt.

I didn't blame Jasper for all this, though Jasper did. I knew it had been hard for him. Both of us didn't expect that to happen. It was my fault, I could have known that she would cut herself, it was so Bella! Something like this would have happened anyway.

It was thirteen days after I left Bella, after I left my sun, my reason for existing, my heart.

No, I couldn't go back. Not after all that happened.

I hadn't seen my family for eleven days. I didn't want them to see me like this, incomplete. But I wondered if I would ever be again.

I asked Alice to let go of Bella, too.

When I told her we were leaving, she didn't understand it at first, Bella did neither. They both thought Bella would joing. When I told Alice that Bella would stay here, she screamed at me. I never had such a worse fight with my favorite sister. She screamed that she wouldn't leave, that I lost my mind, for leaving Bella. That I would regret it, which I already did, though it was necesarry. She said she would hate me forever... But I did it, I left the love of my life, for her own safety.

Her words haunted me. 'You..don't..want me.'

Everytime I thought about our conversation in the forest, I broke into another piece.

_Pink cards and flowers on your window,  
Your friends all plead for you to stay.  
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple.  
Sometimes goodbye's the only way._

Days past by, but I didn? count them anymore. I didn't care if I would live another thousand years.

I wasn? paying much attention, I was throwing little rocks into the lake. But out of nowhere Alice suddenly sat next to me. I stopped throwing, but didn't dare to look at her.

'Edward.' she said quiet. 'Please, don't be angry, but... I had another vision, about Bella.'

'Alice, I asked you to leave Bella alone, so don't watch her future, it's not our business anymore.' I lied, of course, whatever happened to Bella, I would always care.

'I know, but I see what I see, some visions I can't control. However, you have to see this.'

'No,' I snarled.

'Yes, you have to!' she said firmly. _Please Edward, watch this, before it's too late. Please!_

I looked at my sister, her eyes pleading, and I nodded.

_I saw Bella. She was lying in the hospital!_

I slipped out of Alice' head, asking: 'What's Bella doing in a hospital?'

'Just watch.'

_Charlie sat next to her and they were talking. Then a doctor came in._

'Miss Swan?' he asked and Bella looked up. 'How are you feeling?' 'I'm fine.' she answered.

'We examined your tests, and...' he trailed off. He came closer to the bed, grabbing a chair and he sat down next to Bella. 'Bella, you're sick, very sick. We don't know what wrong with you, and I'm afraid that we can't help you. The illness you have is very uncommon.'

Bella stared at him, waiting for her verdict. The doctor went on.

'This sickness will take down your body. You're incurable sick.'

A tear fell down her cheek. 'So I will die...' she asked silently. The doctor nodded.

'But there must be something you can do!' Charlie protested. 'No, because we don't know what caused Bella's sickness, we can't treat it.'

'How long do I have?' Bella asked abrupt.

'Your body functions will lose strenght fast. We assess you have roughly one month left.' she swallowed. 'One month?' Charlie asked. The doctor nodded again. 'Bella, I'm sorry,' she he apologized. 'We did what we could.' Bella was crying now, she nodded. 'Thank you, for everything.'  
  
No..no, Bella couldn't die, she just... couldn't!

I stared at Alice. 'No,' I managed to say. 'It's what I saw, Edward. It will happen, Bella is incurable sick.'

I shook my head. 'No!'

'We have to go back! Now we still can.' she pleaded.

I stood up. Yes, we had to go back. I couldn't let Bella die!

_And the shadow of the day,  
Will embrace the world in grey,  
And the sun will set for you._

When Alice and I arrived in Forks, we immideatly went to the hospital. I just needed to see her!

'Edward, calm down.' Alice hissed at me. 'Act human, will you.'

I slowed down my steps. 'Excuse me,' Alice asked a docter, who passed us. 'We're looking for Isabella Swan. Do you know where we can find her.'

The docter searched through his papers. 'Miss Swan... Yes, thirth floor, room 21.' 'Thank you.' Alice said polite. He stared after us as we walked away.

I hurried to the thirht floor, anxious. I was afraid what Bella would look like, how bad was she hurt? I should have never left her! Even without me she would be in danger.

We arrived at room 21 and Alice walked in first. Bella's scent hit me as I walked after Alice. Bella lay in the last bed at the end of the room. Slowly we walked to her bed. She was asleep. Despite all the monitors which were fastened on her, she looked still beautiful, but so weak. Her heartbeat sounded in my ears, I missed it so much.

I sat down in the seat next to her bed, only looking at my Bella, if I could still call her like that.

'She's going to wake up soon.' Alice said. 'What are you going to say to her?'

I sighed. 'I don't know...' 'I'll leave you two alone..' Alice offered and I nodded thankfully. _Take it easy, Edward!_ Alice thought._ She's still very weak._ Then she walked out of the room.

But what would I say to her? And what will she say when she sees me? Will she be angry, happy? I couldn't tell.

But of one thing I was sure, I coulnd't leave again. But would she accept me. After all, I'm the one who left, though it was for her own safety.

I would explain everything, why I'd left, that I did and still love her. But how?

Suddenly she moved, her face turned my way and she placed her hand only inces away from mine.

Carefully I touched her hand, stroking it lightly.

And then she started to wake up...

_And the shadow of the day,  
Will embrace the world in grey,  
And the sun will set for you._

* * *

**So another chapter finished!  
Thank you all.. so much. This is my first real fanfiction! Thank you for the great reviews!  
So now Bella's going to wake up, what will she say?  
Ooh thrilling....**


	4. tallulah

**I know the title of this chapter is a little weird (at least I don't know what it means, but maybe it's an english term?) But it's the title of the story song.  
I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

_story song: Tallulah- sonata arctica._

**I do not own Twilight and I'm dutch.  
Have fun,**

* * *

_Remember when we used to look how sun set far away  
And how you said: "this is never over"  
I believed your every word and I guess you did too_

When I woke up, I felt so weak. My eyes fluttered open. I was in the hospital, but why? I couldn't remember.

I looked around, the room was empty, beside me... and a cute, sleeping werewolf. Jakes head rested on my bed. He looked so tired, I wondered why. Had he stayed here the whole night?

I could hear a quiet and continuous beep in the background. I tried to remember what happened, but nothing came into my head.

I lifted my hand, ready to caress Jakes hair, when I saw an IV stucking out of my hand. Ugh! I pulled my hand furter and placed my hand on his cheek, stroking it. But when I touched him, he moved. His eyes opened, looking around startled.

'Sorry, I didn't meant to wake you.' I apologized.

'Doesn't matter,' Jake mumbled, but then he looked up at me. 'Bella!' he screamed.

'Woah, Jake. Calm down.' I said. 'Sorry!' he mumbled. 'I'm just so happy that you're finally awake.' 'yeah, me too- wait, what? That I'm finally awake?'

'Bella, you've been out for days...' Jacob answered. 'Days?' I asked. 'What happened?'

'You remember Emily's party?' I nodded. 'Well, I'm not sure what happened but.. I was talking to you, suddenly you covered your ears and then you passed out. I caught you and I layed you down, trying to wake you up. But then you started to shake.' He said stunned.

I remembered the pain in my muscules.

'I'm so happy that you're awake!' 'So did they already found out what's wrong with me?' I asked. Jake shook his head. 'They did some tests, but there aren't any results yet. Sorry.' 'Is oke.' I sighed and then a nurse came in.

'Oh, it's good to see that you're awake. I'll get the doctor.' she said friendly and walked out again.

After a few minutes the doctor walked in.

'Ah, miss Swan. It's good that you're awake. How are you feeling?' 'I'm fine.' 'No headache, problems with your sight or hearing?' he asked, I shook my head. 'For the tests we did, there are no results yet, but we will inform you whenever we have them. Any questions?"

'No sir.' The doctor looked at Jacob. 'Yes, I do have a question, will Bella recover or is this permanent?' 'We're not sure, yet. But we will let you know.' The doctor walked out again.

'So, when do you think I can go home?' I asked. 'Oh, I have good feelings. And you can't even stay here.' He said smiling. I looked at him puzzled. 'Oh you know, you don't have a teethbrush.' 'Oh, yeah. I definetly can't stay. So get my things and we'll leave.' I joked 'If I wouldn't be arrested by your dad if I did, I would certainly do it. It's horrible to see you like this. All those needles'  
'Oh thanks for reminding me!' And we laughed.

'Ouch...' I whispered. 'Are you alright?' Jacob asked anxious. 'Yeah, I'm fine. Only laughing hurts.' I securred him, but I could see he was still worried. 'Please, Jake. I'm fine. I'm a quick recoverer. Honestly.' 'Good,' he said, but he still didn't smile. 'Then smile.' I encouraged. And then he smiled, a beautiful smile!

We talked some more for a few hours, but then Jacob eyed the clock.

'Aw.. I have to go, Bella.' he said. 'Yeah, I probably should sleep, too.'

'I told you that I can come over, right?' I nodded. 'Yes, you told me.'

'If there's any new, you will tell me right?' 'Of course, Jake. Go.'

He kissed me on the forehead and left. I wanted to leave so badly!

After a few minutes I fell asleep.

_You take my hand and pull me next to you,  
so close to you.  
I have a feeling you don't have the words.  
I found one for you, kiss your cheek,  
say bye, and walk away.  
Don't look back cause I am crying._

_He laughed. 'Don't worry about that now, Bella. You can argue with me when you wake up'  
I think I smiled. 'Kay'  
I could feel his lips at my ear.  
'I love you,' he whispered.  
'Me, too'  
'I know,' he laughed quietly.  
I turned my head slightly...searching. He knew what I was after. His lips touched mine gently.  
'Thanks,' I sighed.  
'Anytime'  
I wasn't really there at all anymore. But I fought against the stupor weakly. There was just one more thing I wanted to tell him.  
'Edward?' I struggled to pronounce his name clearly.  
'Yes'  
'I'm betting on Alice,' I mumbled._

When I woke up, somthing cold lay on my right hand. My thoughts went immideatly to Edward. No, I still had to be dreaming. But the cold didn't disappear. Slowly I opened my eyes, I gasped and shut my eyes again. I was definetly still dreaming! I reopened them, but still my angel was there and he didn't disappear.

'Bella?' he said quietly.

I swallowed.

'Are you oke?' he asked. I nodded, not able to speak. But I wasn't oke, how could I be? The love of my life just returned!

It was his cold hand resting on mine. It felt wrong and right at the same time.

Wrong ?ause: what was he doing here? He left me, right? He didn't love me! He'd said it would be the last time I'd see him. And yet he was here.

Right 'cause: I missed him so much! I wouldn't want anything rather than having him back.

When he said my name, pain shot through me. He would leave again. Once I'm healthy again, he'd leave again. If he'd do it, I would probably die.

'Bella, I...' he stuttered, probably not knowing what to say.

Then it was silent, it was an awkward silence. None of us said something. His eyes locked in mine and I couldn't look away. After a few minutes his eyes released mine.

'I'm so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have left-' he begun after another silence. 'Why not? You don't love me, why should you stay?' I snapped angrily.

'Bella, I think you don't understand-' 'Oh, I understand perfectly well!' YOU DON'T LOVE ME! I wanted to shout, but unfortunetly, I didn't.

'No, you don't. I do love-' 'No, you don't! You left, and you made perfectly clear that you don't love me.' I spat, the anger in me grew.

'But I do love you.' he said, trying to stay calm.

'No, you don't! You fucking left me!' I yelled and I sat straight up.

'Bella...' he tried.

'I run after you! I screamed for you, but you didn't come back-' I coughed. He watched me anxious and said: 'Bella, are you oke?' He grabbed my shoulder, pushing me back into the pillows. 'Don't touch me.' But I kept coughing, and I couldn't stop anymore.

I grasped my troat, It hurt like hell.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward pushing the call button. 'Sent in a docter, quick.' he said anxious.

Only a few seconds later, a doctor rushed into my room. I was still coughing and then abruptly, I couldn't breathe anymore. The doctor putted a oxygen mask over my mouth, pulling me back and instructed my to inhale slowly. I did what he said. Suddenly I felt very dizzy and I closed my eyes. When I was calm again the doctor send Edward away, blaming him for my freaking out, which was exactly the case.

'Isabella? Can you hear me?' he asked, I nodded. 'It's better if you sleep now and let the oxygen mask on.' he said and I nodded once more.

He left after checking on the monitors.

After a few minutes a nurse came in. 'I'm giving you some pain medication, dear.' She injected the medicine into my tube. The drowzyness flowed through me immideatly and my eyes closed. I didn't even hear the nurse walking out of my room, I was already asleep.

_You let my hand go,  
and you fake a smile for me I have a feeling you don't know what to do I look deep in your eyes, hesitate a while.  
Why are you crying'_

_Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over Tallulah, find the words and talk to me, oh,  
Tallulah, this could be... heaven_

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**woooowww much drama!!! Be warned there's more drama ahead..  
Edward's back!!! joehoe...**

**Thanks so much for the great reviews... thanks so much..**

**next chapter's gonna be fun... and sad, ofcourse.**

**see ya**


	5. behind these hazel eyes

**Hello everybody..  
Sorry, I had a writersblock and I was VERY bizzy!!!  
I hope you like this chapter... soon Bella will know that she´s going to die.. so exiting!!**

Story song: Behind these hazel eyes- Kelly Clarkson.

**I do not own twilight and I'm dutch.  
Have fun.**

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_Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

_'__You..don?..want me'  
'No'  
No No...  
__  
_I woke up, sweating and hard breathing.

Oh my...what happened to me? My chest hurt so much!

_You freaked out, because of Edward._ A voice in my head said.

I screamed at Edward!

_Exactly what he deserved. _

No...he didn't.

_Yes, he did, he left you! _

I stared up to the sealing, knowing the voice in my head was right.

No.

_Yes, he left you, alone, broken._

But he's back now, he's back!

_But he'll leave again. _

No he won't, he said I misunderstood him. He loves me.

_He doesn't! He left you in the woods. He didn't want you to come with him. He made it clear. He DOESN'T love you! _

'No...no..' I sobbed out loud.

_He doesn't love you._

I sat straight up. Tears streamed down my cheeks. Why did he come back? Why..? He doesn't love me! He lied again.

A painful, tearing and hopeless feeling spread through me.

'I loved you!' I cried. 'But you left'

_Yes, he left. Tell him he's too late!_ The voice pushed me.

'No..no, I can't. I still love him'

_'No, you hate him'_

I screamed out loud, my cry filled the room. I pushed the blankets of me and pulled the IV out of my arm. I kept crying, and screaming.

'You left me, you left me, you left me! No...NO'

_You hate him! _

'No..no.. I don't'

_Stop that, you do. Say him goodbye and go on with you life. He isn't the end of the world! Big girls don't cry, remember! _

'I can't, I can't do that'

I completelly freaked out, I could hear my heartbeat on the monitor speeding up.

I screamed and screamed, I felt so terrible. Also lightly surprised there wasn't somebody who noticed my screaming yet.

Suddenly my body felt so strange, so numb. On the background I heard my heartbeat stop and after a few seconds my body fell limp on the hospital bed.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

'Bella, Bella? Honey, can you hear me?' My mums voice said.

I opened my eyes slowly and the first thing I saw was my mothers beautiful smile.

'Hey honey,' she said lovingly and she stroke me cheek.  
'You made me a little scared, baby'  
I swallowed.  
'Sorry.' I tried to whisper. 'Shhh... It's oke, you're awake now'

'What happened?' I asked again in only a few weeks time.

'You had a heartattack.' I remembered that I freaked out. 'Oh, I thought I would lose you!' I saw a tear in her eye. 'You won't.' I whispered, still feeling very weak. I couldn't die, not for my mums sake, I wouldn't die!

'Bella!?' A voice called my name, Charlie. He hurried into the room and he sat down in the chair next to Renee.

'Will you never do this to me ever again, Bells? You scared the hell out of me'

'Charlie!' My mum said firmly. 'She's just awake!''Sorry, dad.' I mumbled 'I'm so happy that you're alright now'

We talked for a long time, both were so afraid to lose me. I had to make sure that nothing bad would happen to me, no freaking out anymore, no stressing. After two hours they left, my mum stayed in Forks with Phil. They would visit almost everyday.

'Bye sweety, and be carefull, oke?' my mum asked, I nodded. 'I promise.' She kissed my forehead and walked out of the room. 'Take care of youself, Bells.' my dad said. He took my hand and kissed the back of my hand, like a real gentleman. I giggledd. 'I will.' He walked away, too, waving at me when he reaced the door.

So I had a heartattack.

I sighed, could my life be more complicated?

After half an hour considering, I drifted to sleep.

When I woke up, my cheeks were wet from the tears, obviously I'd been crying in my sleep. About Edward of course. About the day that he left.

My tears began to flow again, but it were silent tears. They just flowed. Why had he left? Why didn't he stayed. Now things were so complicated.

It felt like I cried for hours, non stop.

_I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on_

Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore...

'Bella?' An angels voice said. It came from behind me (I lay on my left side). I rolled on my back, but I already knew who it was. Quickly I sweeped away my tears, though he'd already seen them.  
'Why are you crying?' he asked sweetly.

I shook my head. 'Nothing.' I stuttered, but my tears streamed on. I sat up, looking in his eyes. Slowly he raised his hand and he whiped away my tears carefully. I raised my hand to, grabbing his and I hold it to my cheek.

His thumb stroked my cheek. None of us said something, we only stared at each other.

'I do love you.' he whispered. I swallowed, but didn't respond. 'Do you believe me?' he asked, but again I didn't respond.

I do love you...I do love you...I do love you. His words sounded through my head. He loved me.

'Then why did you leave?' I asked. 'I had to, for your safety. It killed me to do it, believe me Bella. I missed you so much and I wanted everyday to come back, back to you. Because I love you'

'You love me'

'Yes, I always have and I always will'

'Oh.. Edward,' I cried and I hugged him. He pulled me close to his body, rubbing my back slowly. 'And I'll never leave you again, if you can forgive me and still want me'

I broke our embrace and looked at him blankly. 'But if you can't, which I can understand perfectly, I won't-' he said quickly, but I broke him off.

'Of course I can forgive you!' I whispered. 'And I always want you, there's nothing you can change about that'

He smiled, god I missed his gorgeous smile! 'I'm sorry that you got blamed for what happened a few days ago, when I... freaked out'

'That's oke, Bella. Don't worry about that. It was my fault.' He broke my embrace, pulled my back into the pillows and kissed my forehead.

'Sleep, my love, I will always love you'

I grabbed his hand and asked: 'Will you stay.' 'Yes, I will. I promise to never leave you again, I can't leave you again'

I smiled and closed my eyes.

He began to hum my lullaby and slowyly and happy I fell asleep.

He was back, and he loved me! And I still loved him. He would never leave again, we could be together again. My dream was a good one, I dreamed about all the love moments Edward and I once had, and maybe would have again.

But there was one problem.

Jacob.

I opened my eyes and saw a big figure sitting next to me, but it wasn't Edward. I looked around the room, searching for him.

'I sent your bloodsucker away, if you were looking for him.' I looked up, it was Jacob.

But he looked angry, very angry. But why?

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes  
_

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**_wooooooooooowww_**

**_So why do you think Jacob's looking angry?? Let me know._**

**_And what do you think of this chapter???  
In the next one, Bella'll hear her verdict.. exiting!!!_**

**_Story tip: Twilight princess, by Lolita16... Read it.. it's amazing!!_**

**_Yeah Lola... I know, you don't have to thank me:p..  
*Lolita16 sighes and gives Samamamilile a frustrated look*_**

**_See you later._**

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